trip to the grocery store for the weeks groceries (plus some treats for me, shhh… don’t tell Lance!) $130
babysitter for Alex for 3 hour on a holiday Monday $17
Lance gets some uninterrupted time to work on his new BBQ $399
Two kiddos asleep at the same time that afternoon – $$$ PRICELESS $$$
ruffle bottoms, need I say more?
ruffle bottoms with little toes and little feet 
ruffle bottoms wearing girlies with bright blue eyes that love to look all around 
ruffle bottom girlie with hands that hold on tight to me 
ruffle bottom girlie that is so pretty! 
I think we are going to enroll Alex in a soccer program this summer. We think he will love it and it’s 50 minutes of running and wearing him out on a Saturday morning. The program starts in mid-June and we’ve been getting him ready and also seeing if we think he will like it. He clearly will – loves kicking the soccer ball, wearing the shin guards, and even has soccer goals at home and soccer shorts that he just has to wear.
This past weekend we went to a park with a big turf field for playing soccer and baseball. It has large goals and there was even a game going on in the next field over. We had so much fun. We would run down to one goal and run back kicking the ball the whole way. Alex would say to us “I’m going to beat you” and we would run and giggle. His little legs would run so fast! At the other end he would declare “I beated-ed you!”
It was so much fun we went on Sunday, too. There was a baseball game going on so they had the goals off to the side, but still plenty of room to play around. We kicked the ball quite a bit, to each other and in the goal. Alex would kick the ball in the goal sometimes and other times be the goalie, and he got what this meant.
He fell down once and was checking if there was a boo-boo or not, was there blood? No, just a scratch. We got up and played some more.
Then, the meltdown. MELTDOWN! The ball got kicked into the baseball field and Lance had to run and get it. Alex got very mad that he didn’t beat Daddy to the ball and just melted into a puddle after that. I mean a big 3 year old overwhelmed with all emotions puddle. He was kicking and screaming. I tried to hold him down and say that hitting wasn’t acceptable, but there was no listening. He was hysterical. We had to call it a day and carry a hysterical toddler out of the park. Lance was mortified and I felt bad for him as he was the one who had to carry this kicking, screaming kid out of the park. What Lance doesn’t realize is that 99% of the people in that park had probably experienced what we were going through and unless it’s your kid, probably weren’t paying any attention at all.
He finally calmed down a bit in the car ride home, saying that he did have his “listening ears” on now and wanted to go back to the park. He would share the soccer ball now, can we go back? All the while – it’s that sobbing sound when someone has been crying so hard that they gulp for air. Poor kiddo. We told him that next time we go we can share and play, but now we were going home. He tried everything he could to get us to go back, but we weren’t biting.
We’ll go back again this next weekend and hope for more fun and less tantrums.
I think we’re in a new stage with the temper tantrums – they are BIG and he is totally overwhelmed and totally irrational. The other day he had a big tantrum at home and was hitting me. I finally pinned him down and basically sat on him while holding his hands down. I kept telling him that hitting wasn’t acceptable behavior. I let him up after a few minutes, but he went back to hitting right away. Tackled him again and went through the whole thing again. This time he tried spitting on me – I was shocked. But, I tried not to laugh, too since he was just spitting on himself. Finally I would ask him if he was ready for a hug and the first few times he said no, but then finally said yes. I had to let him up and give him a big hug as if nothing happened, that was hard. But, that is what I did. Gave him a big hug and told him that I love him. I’ve learned from these situations that I need to be better at setting the limit and quicker to implement the punishment. Hitting Mama is not acceptable and there will be no warnings from now on. I had been giving him too many warnings before.
The meltdown stage.
Brand spankin’ new front load washing machine and dryer – extra large capacity! Costs about $9 to run the washer a YEAR!
And goodbye to these … Ok, not “good” bye – just bye bye!
I haven’t wanted to say it until now… I didn’t want to jinx it… but,
Sara is turning out to be quite a mellow and lovely baby. She sleeps well at night, waking only a few times to nurse, then go back to sleep with no issues. Not much crying or colic, just happy baby.
She is easy to tote around to the errands that need to be run and as one person mentioned to me while out shopping – she’s already likes shopping! She wakes up about 3-4 times a day and is generally lovely to be around – she has her eyes wide open and loves looking at big bright windows and going on walks with Mama.
She is a pleasure to be around and lovely to spend all day with. I still have plenty of time at home and don’t return to work until August, but I’m soaking her up right now. She smells so good – a mixture of milk, spit up and baby poop – that is the secret recipe that smells like “baby” to me. She is truly delicious.
Isn’t she the most beautiful baby in the world?
all photos by Keri Meyers
I just realized something… Sara’s name has the first two and last two letters of my Mama’s name – Sandra. Sandra – “nd” = Sara Interesting… that we chose Sara without the “h” since “Sandra” isn’t spelled “Sandrah”.
Although we didn’t name her after my Mom, or anybody for that matter, we do love Sara’s connection to her. She has helped us in countless ways by coming up and being here with our kiddos and us, giving us a date night, taking care of Alex during Sara’s birth, making cookies with him, and getting on the floor with him and playing all sorts of things, inspiring and encouraging his imagination and most importantly, reminding us how wonderful he is (it’s sometimes difficult to remember this about your own child). He just adores her and I’m so excited for Sara to have the same fun with Grandma Sandy.
We had criteria that her name had to fit in: Lance didn’t want a name that started with a T, I wanted preferably a two syllable name, something easy to spell since she’ll have to spell Torgesen all the time, we didn’t want something too popular or too out there, etc.
Other names we considered were: Hanna, Marissa, Lana, Ellie, Leah, Erika, Molly – but, now none of them seem right.
About an hour after her birth, Lance asked me if we were ready to talk names. I said that we could. He asked what was speaking to me and I said Sara. He said Sara it is, without an “h”. We thought it was a beautiful and wonderful name that matched our criteria and matched our beautiful and wonderful little girl. I was surprised how ready he was to name her, but after the emotions of watching her being born and the strength that he witnessed in me, along with how Alex was named – he was ready to name her.
With Alex’s birth, he wasn’t named for 2-3 days because I didn’t have the chance to see him very much since I was so sick. Lance, on the other hand, was watching over him day and night up in the NICU. He came up with his nickname “Spunky” within a day or so, he says it just came to him. And it’s stuck ever since. I remember Lance coming to me after Alex’s birth and asking the same question – can we talk names? I said that I hadn’t seen him much and wasn’t ready. Lance broke down and said that it was difficult for him to not know his name while watching over him. But, I hadn’t seen him much, maybe 20 minutes within the 2 days. I promised him that we would pick a name when I was able to see him for a while. We picked Alexander since it was a strong a brave name and that is exactly what he was, a strong and brave little boy born too early.
I like to commemorate holidays, by what else, with a photograph to put a mark in history. I asked Lance to take a picture of me with my two kiddos and look what happened!
A beautiful moment in time. I love it!
I have forgotten the wonderful expressions newborns have.
They scrunch their foreheads, move their eyelids, have baby dreams, sleep suck, giggle and smile – all in slow motion.
Sara is growing and getting bigger everyday. I see it in these pictures I took last week. I can’t believe she’s already 1 month old!
Look at those baby blue eyes!
And her eyelashes are growing – just like big brother Alex!
Freakishly LONG eyelashes.
And funny expressions when she’s awake, too! I can’t remember – maybe this was when she was sneezing – but, she sure is cute!
Remember back when I posted about a bathroom remodel? Well – here is the updated finished bathroom – and we couldn’t be happier with it. There used to be an old powder blue sink with all sorts of chips in it, outdated fixtures, and UGLY tile counter top.
The cabinet was in good shape so we just painted it a rich chocolate brown. We got a new countertop – marble – from a local place that sells remnants and a new WHITE undermount sink. The marble is beautiful and creamy. We painted the walls a whisper of a blue color (ode to the old sink) and got some hand towels to match. We got a new mirror and a new energy efficient light fixture, too! Top that with a brushed nickel faucet and a WHITE new toilet – voila!
A new powder room!
Lance and Alex went to see their first movie on Sunday “How to train a dragon”. As you can see – they had quite a bit of fun as evidenced by Alex’s dragon in his hand. Alex was enthralled by the “funny seats” at the movie theater and we talked about how it would be the “biggest tv ever been seen”. They had a nice time on a rainy Spring Sunday.
The final part of the story, I promise…
This is when I feel that “labor” really started for me.
It’s about 2-3 AM and sitting on an exercise ball is supposed to be a good thing for labor, so that is what I did. The nurse also puts a big bean bag on the hospital bed and covers it with a sheet for me to lean over into and I put my head down. It is relaxing and just what I needed. We talked, looked at pictures of Alex in my wallet and generally rested. Lance laid down on the daybed and tried to shut his eyes for a bit. My doula gave me a neck and back massage which was wonderful!
I found that the more I relaxed, the more the contractions would come and the stronger they would come. I relaxed on the exercise ball/bean bag for a while until the contractions were strong enough that I wasn’t relaxing anymore. As the contractions got stronger, the more comfort I needed. My doula suggested a cold washcloth and that was FABULOUS! She got a cold washcloth and put it on my forehead and would rub my face as the contractions got stronger and stronger. Soon, Lance had a cold wash cloth, too and was rubbing my back with it. It felt so good and soothing as I was moving my way through these contractions.
What I mean by contractions is this – waves of crampiness. I didn’t feel the whole uterus tightening from top to bottom, like I thought I would (or at least I don’t remember it). I just would feel the “cramp” start to get stronger until all I was doing was breathing my way through it – I don’t remember what else was going on in the room, nor could I talk through it, then it would subside just as it began. The cramp feeling was in my lower belly, not all around.
Lance and I did the “slow dancing”, me putting my arms around his neck and just moving slowly back and forth, to help me through the contractions when sitting wasn’t right anymore. I was checked again and found to be –1 station (still far up!) 6-7 cm, and 6-7 on the pain scale. I started to get really nauseous and started throwing up. My doula told me this was normal and it was actually helping the baby go down farther. It was a good thing I had those brownies earlier – not something totally gross, like salad. Then, as soon as that came on, it was gone.
Lance was a champ through this whole experience, I must say. I didn’t really think about him – he was just there for me, doing whatever it was that was necessary and helped me feel better. I remember having him hold the throw-up bucket right at his chest while I threw up and I had my arms around him. Later he told me he was pretty grossed out, but during it all he was solid as a rock.
5-6 AM - At this point – I asked for an epidural. I had no idea how long all this would last and I could see a point where I would want the epidural. Thinking back – I wish I wouldn’t have done this – but, there is no going back. I was in the “transition” phase of labor (going from 6/7cm to 10 cm – fully dilated) and this is the most intense part – of course I was thinking it was intense – because it was. I have spent too much time on this already and beat myself up enough for getting an epidural and I’m trying to get over it. The only thing I can say is that I totally could have done it naturally and going back to my Goals/wishes - “no drugs” were not a part of it. I wanted a healthy baby, healthy me, VBAC, baby on chest experience. I guess I didn’t really think about drugs vs. no drugs. Also, when you are experiencing labor and your world is in 2-3 minute (or less) increments where you have no idea what else is going on in the room, let alone the world, let’s just say that you don’t have the clearest of minds and new thoughts don’t pop into your head.
I had to wait a while for the epidural, I have no idea how long, but apparently anesthesiologists have to have “everything absolutely ready” when the nurse calls them. He was trying to talk to me and make small talk - why, I have no idea? Doesn’t he realize I’m in labor and I don’t want to make small talk with the anesthesiologist? Nope, apparently not.
This part was pretty difficult. Sitting up on the bed, trying to be still, working through contractions that were probably an “8” for me. But, after the epidural was in – I couldn’t feel a thing. They did a big dose up front which totally knocked out all feeling. Then there was a pump that would deliver the meds at intervals. Looking back, I wish they would’ve just hooked me up to the pump to take it down a notch, not totally numb me up. But, again – can’t go back.
After the epidural took effect around 6-7 am, the nurse checked me again and I was almost complete!!!!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
I would’ve had her and been pushing if I wouldn’t have had the epidural. Waiting for the anesthesiologist was my “transition”. If I could go back, I would’ve had the nurse check me right before she called the anesthesiologist. After things settled down and I returned to the world of looking around and talking to Lance and the Doula and the nurse, we decided to try pushing for a bit to see what would happen. Since she was still pretty far up there, nothing much happened, but I did learn how to push – which is different than you think, unless you’ve experienced it. I pushed for about 20-30 minutes and the new doctor on call came in to introduce herself. She said to save my energy and “labor down” – a term that means to let the contractions do the job of getting baby girl farther down my pelvis.
Everyone was able to rest. Lance ate the breakfast that was brought to my room, the Doula ran out and got some coffee, I rested. We were all tired. The nurses changed shifts. Below is the last picture of me pregnant – right after I got the epidural.
I still had her pretty high up there (+1 station whereas +3 is crowning), but by ~9:30AM – I was thinking we’re either going to do this or we’re not – so, let’s do this!
I wanted to start pushing, even though I still didn’t have the urge to push. I started pushing and it was really hard work. The doula and the nurse kept trying new positions for me to see if they could find the magic spot for our little girl heart rate. Lance would hold one leg, the Doula the other and I would wrap my hands behind my knees and bear down. It’s amazing how much work it takes. I was sweaty in no time. In between contractions (that I was feeling a bit more of – maybe a 2-3) I would just go limp and relax. As I would push through each contraction and change positions, I started to feel them even more, but it wasn’t painful as I was able to push through them and concentrate on that. As we found out after a little bit of pushing – the epidural tubing came disconnected and I think this helped things quite a bit. I could feel the contractions coming a lot more now and was able to push. There were times when I would start pushing when the contraction wasn’t really at it’s peak and tire myself out before the end of it, but I just couldn’t push anymore and wasn’t able to relax and go limp after pushing since the contraction was still going strong. So, I got better at timing when to push and to wait for the right time to push, not too early in the contraction.
During the whole pushing time, Lance and the Doula kept telling me how good I was doing and how the pushing was just right. All I felt was that I was doing right and I was going to give birth to my daughter. It was such a lovely, supportive environment. That was all I heard. Other people might have said things that weren’t so supportive, but it just passed in one ear and out the other.
In the end, I pushed for about 1 hour (although I didn’t notice the time until after I was done), didn’t feel the urge to push (since she was so high up) until the end. I was apparently so swollen that when the nurse checked me again – baby girl’s head just popped out from under my pubic bone and they called doctor to come fast. She was ready to come out! She was crowning and the doctor wasn’t there yet – and I had to do the HARDEST thing of this whole labor/delivery experience – hold one push! That was the toughest part – when everything in your body is telling you to push and they are telling you not to. My body couldn’t help it and my doula was whispering in my ear that it was OK to push a little bit – because really – how do you NOT push at that point? I remember telling Lance to not let my leg down – do not!
The doctor arrived and I did one push and her head came out. I had to hold one more push since the cord was wrapped around her neck, but that wasn’t as difficult since her head was out. One more push and she was delivered and on my chest.
She was the most beautiful and wonderful thing in the world. I gave birth to my baby girl.
I did it! I really did it!
I wanted a healthy baby, healthy me, VBAC, baby on chest experience and that is what I got. All my goals/wishes were granted and labor/delivery was pretty much as I had imagined. It was faster than I imagined, actually. Only about 8 hours of labor, by my count and only a few of those that were pretty intense.
Lance was crying, doula was crying, I was just in awe – no crying for me (which, looking back on it was strange – but it was just so much work to get her out that I was probably just so amazed and tired that the tears didn’t come)
I did it! I really did it!
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