thoughts on going back to work

I thought going back to work was going to be easier the second time around… 

 

although, deep down I knew it would be hard. 

 

It is easier in some ways – I’m not as emotionally raw about it (yet?) and this time I’m not bargaining and trying to figure out how to stay home on one income (we can’t do it).  I know I have to go back.  There is no way around it.  But, it is still hard.  I can’t imagine being apart from you for longer than an hour or two, let alone 9 long hours.  How am I going to do this?  Not only leave you for that long 5 days a week, but come home (probably exhausted) and have a demanding 3 year old who wants my attention, too, and has been away from me that long, as well, and can scream and shout and throw a big tantrum.   Now, that is going to be hard.  I will just want to pick you up and hold you, coo at you, look into your eyes and tell you how much I’ve missed you and how much I love you, kiss those luscious rolls on your belly, but that won’t be possible. We will have to be “sharing guys”, as Alex would say. 

 

You are my sweet cheeks  - and I am your Mama.  And there is no making it any easier to leave you during the day and go back to work.  There is just no way around it. 

 

As these last few weeks wind down – I find myself taking you in, breathing you into me so that I can take you with me everywhere I go.  Memorizing your little elbow dimples, your bright eyes, feeling your so so soft tummy skin, your sweet baby scent and your chubby rolls.   Thinking about how that first weekend will feel so great to have you back in my arms all day. 

 

I know how lucky I am.  I do, really.  I have a wonderful husband and father to my children.  I have two beautiful, healthy children who we are raising well.  I am a good Mom.  I have the ability to make a nice living for our family.  Knowing this does make it a bit easier to go back to work – I’m “putting on my work hat and making a living for my family”.   I know we will find a “new normal”, a new routine, and it will be fine.  It might take a little bit to iron out the details of how this all will work, but we will figure it out together. You know I’m your Mama and when I walk in the front door after a long day, I know you will smile and reach for me.  I can’t wait for those moments!  They will be fabulous. 

 

I love you with all of my heart, my little girl.  You are the heart within my heart.