Becoming a mother again

 

People tell you it’s so much easier the second time around, just wait and see they say.  You’ll see how much easier it is. 

 

It’s hard to believe until you have your second baby and things are easier and you don’t worry about this or that, you know how to change a newborns diapers and clothes, you know how to hold them and some of their cues.  You realize how simple babies are in so many ways.  They aren’t complicated – it’s the learning curve than new Moms and Dads are on that is challenging, not the baby itself. 

 

It’s just like riding a bike – once you know how to ride a bike, but have to put it away for a while – you can just get back on and start riding again. 

 

It was just like that for me. 

 

When we brought Sara home from the hospital it was so much easier.  Just back into the swing of things, almost like 3 years hadn’t gone by, or it had all been a dream, and I was back nursing Alex again and changing his diapers.  Wait a second – it had been 3 years and I had a 3 year old little boy at home who was talking to me and going pee in the potty!  Sara and Alex looked fairly similar when they were newborns that it was almost like a time warp, except that it was easier.  So many things were easier – the pregnancy, the delivery, the recovery, the breastfeeding, the diapers, the worries, the unknown, the sleep, the tiredness, the baby stuff.  I was so much more confident this time around.  I knew what I was doing and didn’t waste one second on that in my mind.  I also had learned so much about parenting and how one choice doesn’t make you a “bad” Mom or a “good” Mom.  I was so much easier on myself this time around.  It was OK to set her down for a bit and take a little time for myself.  She won’t think I’m a “bad” Mom if I need to eat lunch or just have a moment to myself.  Just because I didn’t hold her ALL.THE.TIME didn’t mean I was a bad Mom.  I know all too well that as babies grow to toddlers and then to little kiddos, it gets easier in some ways and much harder in others.  I was fully willing to take advantage of this and do what I wanted to do this maternity leave – so, I take Sara to all sorts of places.  We’ve gone shopping at the outlets, out to meet friends, to Molbaks and McLendons for a little plant shopping!

 

 

 

What has been harder this time around has been my time with Alex (Lance has too much time with Alex right now), time for myself or time with Lance alone.  The dogs have gone down the priority list again as well as chores around the house.   Although it’s easier to have a baby the second time around and how simple they are, there still is a new baby in our house and she has needs like naps and feedings that only I can provide.  I still have plenty of guilty feelings about everything from Alex being in preschool and me not spending as much time with him to going back to work and being away from Sara.  I know going back to work is going to be tough, I will be T.I.R.E.D.  I will miss Sara so much and wonder if this is the right thing to do.  I will cry on the way to work and wonder if we should just make different choices.  And slowly, but surely, we will find a routine that works for our new family of four. 

 

Our new family of four – wow!  That’s pretty amazing to say.  We had just Lance and myself for so long, then Alex came along and we learned our family of three for 3 years.  We can’t even imagine life without him.   Now a family of four and Sara is here – what did we ever do before she came along?  I feel complete.  I didn’t know if I wanted to have a second baby – wasn’t sure about the pregnancy thing and getting sick with pre-eclampsia again and the tough first year again.  But now I can’t imagine how I ever thought that.  Of course we have a second beautiful baby – Sara. 

 

I am complete.  I have everything I’ve ever wanted that matters in life.  I am happy.