As I innocently picked up the mail the other day I saw a letter from Evergreen hospital stamped children’s services. My mind took me right back to that day Alex was born. What did they want now? Remembering tiny painful details and wishing that I would’ve done something different or that something more “normal” would’ve happened. I only read the first couple of lines and had to put it away….something about knowing that I was busy now and appreciating comments on our “stay” at the NICU.
I had to put it away for so many reasons. Sometimes I foolishly think “I’m over the trauma” and then realize I’m totally not. I probably never will be, either. Never TOTALLY over it.
I kept it in my purse for about a week and I just rediscovered it. I actually read the whole letter this time and they want feedback on the lactation part of the NICU experience. What was my goal about breastfeeding and did being in the NICU change this goal. What was supportive and what wasn’t. Although our experience was not one I would wish to repeat, I did have things to say about this topic (and I wish to give feedback other aspects of our “stay” at some point).
I wanted to tell them that this wasn’t supposed to have happened. I wanted to tell them how painful it is to not be able to hold your baby after he was born and have to wait 2 days. But, this isn’t what they are seeking.
I told them that instead of focusing on breastfeeding – I had to focus on pumping. I not only got up in the middle of the night to feed Alex when we were first home, but also pump. When I got home – it was really really hard. I brought home a 5 lb baby who could nurse with a nipple shield only. He had to have 5 fortified bottles of formula a day and I was recovering from a very urgent c-section along with high blood pressure that still hadn’t come down.
I also told them about my experience of having an obviously hungry baby at 2 hours into a 3 hour feeding schedule at the hospital and asking the nurse if I could feed him.
She said no. It would get his schedule all messed up.
Instead I had to comfort a baby who was sucking on a pacifier (instead of me or a bottle) just to keep him from screaming just because of a feeding schedule ?!? At home – there would be no schedule and there was very little transition in between the highly scheduled hospital and home.
Also, not allowing enough time to transition between the 3 hour feeding schedule and on-demand feeding at home.
If I could only go back in time and have the knowledge and guts that I have now….
In the end, I’m glad that I’m still breastfeeding. It sure was a struggle at first, but now it is pretty easy. I’m also glad to have the advice to supplement with formula when I’m back at work. I would NOT be able to make enough to waste in the bottles and he wouldn’t have enough to eat since we would be out of sync. It is something that I have chosen to not worry about now and I’m so glad for the advice.
Some people have asked when I plan to stop (some with the feeling that I “should" stop at some point, others with just a curiosity of when I think we’ll stop). My answer: I really have no idea. When we feel like it. I have no idea when that will be – 2 months from now or another year from now.
Right now I just love where we’re at with nursing.
I had to put it away for so many reasons. Sometimes I foolishly think “I’m over the trauma” and then realize I’m totally not. I probably never will be, either. Never TOTALLY over it.
I kept it in my purse for about a week and I just rediscovered it. I actually read the whole letter this time and they want feedback on the lactation part of the NICU experience. What was my goal about breastfeeding and did being in the NICU change this goal. What was supportive and what wasn’t. Although our experience was not one I would wish to repeat, I did have things to say about this topic (and I wish to give feedback other aspects of our “stay” at some point).
I wanted to tell them that this wasn’t supposed to have happened. I wanted to tell them how painful it is to not be able to hold your baby after he was born and have to wait 2 days. But, this isn’t what they are seeking.
I told them that instead of focusing on breastfeeding – I had to focus on pumping. I not only got up in the middle of the night to feed Alex when we were first home, but also pump. When I got home – it was really really hard. I brought home a 5 lb baby who could nurse with a nipple shield only. He had to have 5 fortified bottles of formula a day and I was recovering from a very urgent c-section along with high blood pressure that still hadn’t come down.
I also told them about my experience of having an obviously hungry baby at 2 hours into a 3 hour feeding schedule at the hospital and asking the nurse if I could feed him.
She said no. It would get his schedule all messed up.
Instead I had to comfort a baby who was sucking on a pacifier (instead of me or a bottle) just to keep him from screaming just because of a feeding schedule ?!? At home – there would be no schedule and there was very little transition in between the highly scheduled hospital and home.
Also, not allowing enough time to transition between the 3 hour feeding schedule and on-demand feeding at home.
If I could only go back in time and have the knowledge and guts that I have now….
In the end, I’m glad that I’m still breastfeeding. It sure was a struggle at first, but now it is pretty easy. I’m also glad to have the advice to supplement with formula when I’m back at work. I would NOT be able to make enough to waste in the bottles and he wouldn’t have enough to eat since we would be out of sync. It is something that I have chosen to not worry about now and I’m so glad for the advice.
Some people have asked when I plan to stop (some with the feeling that I “should" stop at some point, others with just a curiosity of when I think we’ll stop). My answer: I really have no idea. When we feel like it. I have no idea when that will be – 2 months from now or another year from now.
Right now I just love where we’re at with nursing.
